My week started on Monday with an 8:00 appointment at the Toledo Clinic Cancer Center to get a physical and find out if I was randomly chosen to get the trial drug in the clinical trial that I got into last week. The physical existed of a few questions and a quick listen to my lungs, and I was then told that I was chosen to receive the trial drug, known as BBI608. I started BBI608 on Monday morning and take three capsules, twice daily.
So far the drug has not caused any nausea or extreme side effects, however the diarrhea that I was warned about has certainly hit me today. I am hoping that it is partly nerves, because I am admittedly nervous about starting my new chemo regimen (FOLFIRI) tomorrow morning, because I was told that nausea, diarrhea and hair loss are very common side effects. I don’t care about my hair, but nausea scares me badly, because of my back problems. If you have never had chronic back pain, from multiple injuries and surgeries, I will try to help you understand. Vomiting with back pain like what I have is a horrible experience and hurts very badly, honestly more than words could ever explain.
Actually, I guess I need to be fully honest about my nervousness with starting the FOLFIRI tomorrow. A lot of it is that I am not sure this is going to help and, since finding out that the cancer started coming back and multiplying, I am feeling less hopeful about the outcome of the fight. I have no idea if this is going to do any better that the FOLFOX did, which worked great for about 5-6 months, and that scares me. To compound it, there isn’t a lot left for me if the FOLFIRI and BBI608 doesn’t work. FOLFOX and FOLFIRI are the two primary treatments for cancer, and then they start looking at clinical trials. Since I am already in a clinical trial, if this doesn’t work, then I have to look for another clinical trial.
So I am quite nervous about seeing what the treatments with FOLFIRI and BBI608 will bring.
On a much brighter note, tonight I am heading back to Celebrate Recovery at Northpoint Church, and jumping back into the role of small group leader (I took a sabbatical shortly after I was diagnosed last year). The group is in need of another leader and I volunteered, because I want to help others who are struggling with addiction and other problems. Well, to be honest, I am also going back because when I was involved in it regularly before, I feel like I was in a better place both mentally and spiritually. And with all of the stuff going on in my life, I decided that I could certainly use some help keeping my head thinking on the positive side and I can always use assistance with staying spiritually centered.