Tomorrow is my tenth chemo treatment. Huh, before that fateful day last October, I never thought I would say that. It’s been a crazy couple of months. I wish I had made better decisions with my smoking and lifestyle when I was younger so that I had a better chance of not having to deal with this, and put my family through it. But, that’s what hindsight is for, and who knows if it would have even made a difference.
Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful that the chemo has been working so far, and that the lesions on my liver are no longer visible. I am grateful that the side effects haven’t been crippling me, like they do for many cancer patients. I am grateful that I have such a strong family to support me while I go through this. I am grateful for all my incredible friends who keep me in their thoughts and prayers and offer their support. I am grateful to my employer for working with me while I endure this challenge in life, allowing me to continue to work.
But with all that said, sometimes I feel like this is never going to end. The constant chemo that gets more difficult each time, with less “bounce back” time between rounds each time. The massive amount of medical bills that are pouring in, while I watch our savings and paychecks get depleted more each week. The strain I see it putting on my family and friends. It’s a frustrating situation that doesn’t look to get better anytime soon.
I’m not going to quit fighting and I’m not going to give in. It’s just that some days are harder to hold my head up high and push forward then others, and today is one of those days. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up with a renewed sense of fight and less pessimism. Either way, I’ll be at chemo tomorrow morning and will keep doing what I’ve been doing.