Chemo Tomorrow

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Tomorrow is my tenth chemo treatment. Huh, before that fateful day last October, I never thought I would say that. It’s been a crazy couple of months. I wish I had made better decisions with my smoking and lifestyle when I was younger so that I had a better chance of not having to deal with this, and put my family through it. But, that’s what hindsight is for, and who knows if it would have even made a difference.

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful that the chemo has been working so far, and that the lesions on my liver are no longer visible. I am grateful that the side effects haven’t been crippling me, like they do for many cancer patients. I am grateful that I have such a strong family to support me while I go through this. I am grateful for all my incredible friends who keep me in their thoughts and prayers and offer their support. I am grateful to my employer for working with me while I endure this challenge in life, allowing me to continue to work.

But with all that said, sometimes I feel like this is never going to end. The constant chemo that gets more difficult each time, with less “bounce back” time between rounds each time. The massive amount of medical bills that are pouring in, while I watch our savings and paychecks get depleted more each week. The strain I see it putting on my family and friends. It’s a frustrating situation that doesn’t look to get better anytime soon.

I’m not going to quit fighting and I’m not going to give in. It’s just that some days are harder to hold my head up high and push forward then others, and today is one of those days. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up with a renewed sense of fight and less pessimism. Either way, I’ll be at chemo tomorrow morning and will keep doing what I’ve been doing.

Categories: Cancer

Long But Good Week

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It has been a long week, filled with work, rest, family time and a couple of great massages. I worked over 50 hours between Monday and Friday, and I am back at work today. While I am grateful that I am able to work so much, even though I am going through chemo treatments, I am still tired. Actually, I am not sure the word tired describes it adequately. Exhausted seems like a better fit.

But, that didn’t stop me from spending time with Tina and the kids, and I am so appreciative for that. Even after I came home from a 11 or 12 hour day, Tina and I had dinner together and the kids and I got to hang out. It wasn’t a lot of time, but it was quality time, and for that I am grateful.

I also got to squeeze in a few massages! After the one I had last Saturday, which helped resolve a lot of pain that I was having in my mid-back, I ended up hurting myself again Sunday night. I awoke in the middle of night with a sharp pain in my back that went down to my middle back and up into my head. Fortunately, because of my mom gifting me the massages at Massage Green Spa, I was able to get another one on Monday night. That one helped tremendously. I also got a free one at the Victory Center on Thursday afternoon, which was wonderful!

Tonight I plan to play a little Call of Duty with my sons, maybe a watch a couple TV shows with Bree, and get a good night’s sleep. I really want to get to bed early enough so that I am not dead tired tomorrow, and can make it back to church in the morning. After all that He has done for me, I would like to get back to honoring Him and living my life as He wants me to.

Categories: Cancer, Family Fun, Work

A Great Weekend Comes to an End

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After a very long couple of weeks, this weekend was very much anticipated, for a few reasons. First, I didn’t have to work on Saturday, so I had a full two days off in a row. Second, chemo hit me pretty hard with fatigue this round, and I was in need of some rest and relaxation. Third, I had a massage scheduled for Saturday night, and I was hoping to get some relief from a couple of pulled muscles in my mid-to-upper back.

Friday night after work I took Tina to work and then came home and watched a little TV. Then I jumped on the old, trusty PS4 and played some Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Remastered (COD) with both of my sons. I do enjoy shooting some people (online, relax) and kicking it with the boys. I went to bed far too late and after picking Tina up on Saturday morning, I went back to sleep for another 4 1/2 hours, or so.

When I finally got up at 12:30pm on Saturday, I did a whole bunch of nothing. I made myself some lunch, played some more COD, and caught up on a couple of TV shows off the DVR. After taking Tina to work, I came home and showered and then went to my massage appointment, and it was awesome! I finally got some relief for my (literal) aching back and felt much better afterward. I highly recommend Massage Green Spa and am so appreciative to my mom for gifting me several massages!

Unfortunately, I felt so good, and had slept so late that day, that I was up until after 2:00am playing more COD with my boys and watching TV with my daughter Bree. After picking Tina up Sunday morning, I came back home and slept until 11:30am. Then Bree and I went shopping together. We hit Costco and Kroger and got some good, healthy rations for the week for all of us. After coming home I made some homemade, low carb pizza for Tina and I to share for dinner, and then I dropped her off to work.

When I got back home I chilled with the kids for a while and then Bree and I watched Modern Family from earlier this week together. Then I went right into The Walking Dead and now I am getting ready to watch the season two premiere of Into the Badlands, before going to sleep.

I wish I had been a little more responsible with my time on Saturday night so that I could make it to church this morning, but otherwise it was a great weekend.

Categories: Cancer, Family Fun

All Work and No Play…

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So I have been really busy at work, working 11 straight days as of last Saturday. Most of those days were 10+ hours and most days I came home to eat and sleep as much as I could. I had Sunday off and, other than catching Kong: Skull Island with my son Mark and his girlfriend Michelle, it was a day of being lazy with a lot of sleep and general rest. Then I was back to work on Monday.

Tuesday was chemo and afterward I tried to sleep for awhile, but that didn’t happen right away. I caught up on some TV shows on the DVR and then about 6:00pm I fell asleep. My sweet wife, Tina, woke me up at almost 8:00pm with a great dinner, and I was then awake until well after 3:00am today. Because of my lack of sleep, the effects of the chemo, and a lot of work over the past two weeks, I took today as a sick day and decided to get some more sleep and general rest.

The good news is that I only have two days left to work this week and I also have a massage scheduled at Massage Green Spa for Saturday at 8:00pm. So I’m almost there, and with some good rest today, I think I can make it.

Categories: Cancer, Sick, Work

No Sleep Till…

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I only slept about 3-4 hours last night and today is a crazy day at work. I am receiving two new desktop computers that I have to setup and configure for five monitors each. I also need to make some massive changes to our phone system, setup and deploy three new Cisco phones, complete the wiring in another suite that we took over in our building, finish setting up a new employee that starts Monday, move three employees to new locations in the office, and so much more.

No matter how hard I tried to make it not happen, I just don’t see a way out of working tomorrow, for my sixth Saturday in a row. I am really starting to wear down…

Categories: Cancer